Thoughts
by angelusgrl
Summary: Angel thinks about his life and why he's being mistreated.Please r/r.thanks.


  
  
  
I sit here in my dark room,alone.I'm always alone.This thing  
inside me is eating away at me,this soul.Maybe thats why I fired   
them,or,maybe thats why I now work for them.I was hoping to find   
some sort of peace.I found none,the only peace I ever had was   
with her.  
  
  
My beloved,my soul mate.The one I had given my soul and cold,  
unbeating heart to and still I cannot be with her?After all I've  
done for them,for her,and I can't be with her.Why?Please tell me  
why,for I am at a loss on words.  
  
  
I just want to loose myself in her,but thats what happened last  
time.I lost myself in her warmth and beauty and it had cost me my   
soul!My soul of all things,I had become a monster I had never known  
before.My demon inside is begging to loose touch with the real  
world,this soul is effecting him,its turning him into a raving   
lunitic.  
  
When he had came back,he had understood her.His childe,his Dru.  
He had never understood her before,when he was himself.Hell he had   
tortured her to make since.Even though he was the reason she was   
like she is.Insane,demented,so far gone.His inner demon was catching  
up to her and if he was to come out and play again,it would truly   
be the end of the world.  
  
This is why he had to leaver her,his soulmate,his love.He had to  
go back to his life.He hated being so far away from her that it hurt;  
but he knew she still loved him.He dreamed about her every night,  
dreamed about losing himself in passion;but those dreams soon became  
nightmears.He knew she still dreamed about him,he felt it deep within.  
When her and that soldier boy slept in that bed,it was him she thought  
about,it was me she longed for.  
  
Sometimes late at night our dreams would connect and it would be  
like she was here in my arms again.She was always here,always in the  
back of my head where the memories of her still lived,it was like I   
had never left her and she was still by my side.  
  
Then on my worst nights I would hear the voice of the bolnde   
haired boy.Who was my grand-childe,he always seemed to put some   
since in my head.Hes always telling me that no matter what I do,  
I will always love her,just as he loves her,and the way she loved  
me.The man she can not have,could not have.  
  
This boy had always been the voice of reason,even though he'd  
never shut up.He always had to be talking in his own sort of way,  
always thinking of new ways to call me gay.That was after I got   
my soul.He would never tell the old Angelus he was a nacyboy,who  
like hairgel a little to much.But he had always been there for  
me,mostly out of fear and some out of passion for Dru.  
  
When my inner demon had come out to play those four years ago,  
I had destroyed their relationship.He was in a wheelchair and this  
Angelus,not the real Angelus,but a new one had taken over Spikes  
place and Dru had loved it.Thats what made Spike do what he did and   
I'm glad he did it.  
  
I knew from the moment they got into town life would be hell.  
I also saw how he fell apart at the sight of her,my soul mate,my  
beloved.He had wanted her just as much as I did,he still does   
just the same as I do.He did hide it well though.With all the   
attempts to kill her.He could have snuck in her room one night  
and snaped her neck while she slept,he didn't though and I'm glad   
he didn't.I'm also glad that my better half liked to torture his  
victims before he went for the kill,or,my mate wouldn't be here  
today.  
  
Tonight is just like every night,I walk the crowded streets  
of LA looking for scum and I remember all the people,all the   
torturing,and all the love I gave to all my victims,my family,  
my mate.I can't help but wonder Why me?What did I do to deserve  
any of this?Why can't I have one night with my beloved?I have done  
so much and not a moment of happiness,of peace.Maybe one day I will   
get what I want but no not today.  
  
I wish the damn leaders would make up their minds.I want to   
be human again,I want to live and breath.I want my cold heart to   
melt and start to pump in my chest again.I want to live.I want to  
be wrapped up in her arms.Damn the higher power,I want to be free.  
I want to wake up to the rising sun and see my face,my face that I   
have forgotten so long ago.I just want to live.So each night I go  
and kill these demons hoping that one day I will be alive again.  
END  
  
I don't own any of these charatures so please don't sue.I hope you  
like my story so please r/r.Thank you.  
  



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